Thursday, 5 December 2013

WallyMummy's Christmas List...


  • Gin (obviously)
  • Cake (obviously)
  • One of those Toblerones the size of a dog.
  • For the aforementioned Toblerone to contain no calories. (Obviously) 
  • A designer handbag. Not to wear, that would be ridiculous. Just to look at... and occasionally sniff... or lick.
  • See above and also apply to shoes.
  • A self-cleaning, raisin-repelling house.
  • (Please also apply the above to the toddler) 
  • (And the husband)
  • Double Nectar Points for every time I manage not to say F@*k in front of my toddler.
  • Just ONE bath without a plastic pink hippo eyeballing my vagina.
  • A slice of toast ALL TO MY-BASTARD-SELF.
  • Guilt free lie-ins. Actually scrap that - I'll deal with the guilt.. please just let me SLEEP... *cries a bit and eats another Jaffa Cake* 
  • Spray on toddler clothing. Buttons have become my ultimate nemesis.
  • Loo time... alone... with Candy Crush. Like a f@*king ninja.
  • Ankles with a circumference smaller than my knees*. (*thighs)
  • A legging free wardrobe... Which doesn't freak me out because of the lack of leggings.
  • To look good in something other than leggings*.
  • *To look good in leggings.
  • A NAP. Whenever I like. In my own giant footmuff-adorned-chariot. Pushed along by a tribe of pre-schoolers. Powered by fairies. Fuelled by gin. And made from the tears of a thousand toddlers.
  • For fish fingers and chicken nuggets to contain vegetables. Secret vegetables. Which would basically make me Mother of the Year. Definitely. 
  • For my toddler's vocabulary to stretch past 'Cake', 'No', 'Poo' and 'Well Done'. Which incidentally is also her only sentence.
  • Peppa Pig. Shot. And her head brought to me on a Hello Kitty plate.
  • A new vagina.
  • One that only accepts one way traffic.
  • A festive onesie. 
  • And some more gin.

#HappyWallyChristmas
#gin
#gingingin




Post Comment Love

28 comments:

  1. I hope Santa brings you everything you have wished for! :) (You always make me laugh) . This is brilliant x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha ;) I am totally expecting the LOT! lol x thank you for reading xx

      Delete
  2. Merry Christmas to you too! Think you've pretty much got all bases covered. Hope Santa is feeling kind ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) I like to think so! xx thanks for the comment xx

      Delete
  3. I hope Santa is good to you :) I particularly like your fantasy nap...! #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I particularly like it too... but I'd prefer the reality version! :/ hrmph x

      Delete
  4. Hilarious post as usual - I quite fancy napping in a chariot too. POD was awake until 11.30pm this week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woah - what a little raver! lol ;) *sends chariot in post* xxx

      Delete
  5. All those other mummies who ask for peace, health and happiness? This is what they really want to put on their lists.
    By the way, do you know where to get new vaginas?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true... I think you just keep praying to the vagina fairy :) x

      Delete
  6. PMSL.... Absolutely F@#king Loved this!!! This is exactly what Mummies really want. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hehe! Please could I have some toast all of my own too please with my designer handbag?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure Santa can get this stuff sorted for us! :))) x

      Delete
  8. Hilarious :):) hope santa brings u all on ur list :):) I will be adding a few of these to mine* #pocolo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! If he can make magic reindeer fly... he can bring me some bloody Hendricks right! lol x

      Delete
  9. Thanks for the laughs :) Hilarious post!!
    Hope Santa is good to you.
    Love Tracy xXx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keeping my fingers crossed! Lol x thank you for reading xxx

      Delete
  10. I keep my fingers crossed for the Gin for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too :))) *crosses fingers, arms, legs and toes* x

      Delete
  11. Know what you mean about the buttons - winter outdoor wear in general... why? Merry Christmas! #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know.... *sighs* lol x thanks for the comment xxx

      Delete
  12. THIS, this is brilliant! I am so with you on the pink Hippo deal - and the loo time to myself :) Thank you so much for linking to PoCoLo - awesome post x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol ;) thanks! Glad you giggled xxx

      Delete
  13. I've asked for gin and cake I've everything crossed though I also want time to eat my cake by myself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you're just being unreasonable! lol :) Thanks for the comment xxx

      Delete

WallyMummy's Christmas List...


  • Gin (obviously)
  • Cake (obviously)
  • One of those Toblerones the size of a dog.
  • For the aforementioned Toblerone to contain no calories. (Obviously) 
  • A designer handbag. Not to wear, that would be ridiculous. Just to look at... and occasionally sniff... or lick.
  • See above and also apply to shoes.
  • A self-cleaning, raisin-repelling house.
  • (Please also apply the above to the toddler) 
  • (And the husband)
  • Double Nectar Points for every time I manage not to say F@*k in front of my toddler.
  • Just ONE bath without a plastic pink hippo eyeballing my vagina.
  • A slice of toast ALL TO MY-BASTARD-SELF.
  • Guilt free lie-ins. Actually scrap that - I'll deal with the guilt.. please just let me SLEEP... *cries a bit and eats another Jaffa Cake* 
  • Spray on toddler clothing. Buttons have become my ultimate nemesis.
  • Loo time... alone... with Candy Crush. Like a f@*king ninja.
  • Ankles with a circumference smaller than my knees*. (*thighs)
  • A legging free wardrobe... Which doesn't freak me out because of the lack of leggings.
  • To look good in something other than leggings*.
  • *To look good in leggings.
  • A NAP. Whenever I like. In my own giant footmuff-adorned-chariot. Pushed along by a tribe of pre-schoolers. Powered by fairies. Fuelled by gin. And made from the tears of a thousand toddlers.
  • For fish fingers and chicken nuggets to contain vegetables. Secret vegetables. Which would basically make me Mother of the Year. Definitely. 
  • For my toddler's vocabulary to stretch past 'Cake', 'No', 'Poo' and 'Well Done'. Which incidentally is also her only sentence.
  • Peppa Pig. Shot. And her head brought to me on a Hello Kitty plate.
  • A new vagina.
  • One that only accepts one way traffic.
  • A festive onesie. 
  • And some more gin.

#HappyWallyChristmas
#gin
#gingingin




Post Comment Love

28 comments:

  1. I hope Santa brings you everything you have wished for! :) (You always make me laugh) . This is brilliant x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha ;) I am totally expecting the LOT! lol x thank you for reading xx

      Delete
  2. Merry Christmas to you too! Think you've pretty much got all bases covered. Hope Santa is feeling kind ;) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) I like to think so! xx thanks for the comment xx

      Delete
  3. I hope Santa is good to you :) I particularly like your fantasy nap...! #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I particularly like it too... but I'd prefer the reality version! :/ hrmph x

      Delete
  4. Hilarious post as usual - I quite fancy napping in a chariot too. POD was awake until 11.30pm this week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woah - what a little raver! lol ;) *sends chariot in post* xxx

      Delete
  5. All those other mummies who ask for peace, health and happiness? This is what they really want to put on their lists.
    By the way, do you know where to get new vaginas?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true... I think you just keep praying to the vagina fairy :) x

      Delete
  6. PMSL.... Absolutely F@#king Loved this!!! This is exactly what Mummies really want. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hehe! Please could I have some toast all of my own too please with my designer handbag?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure Santa can get this stuff sorted for us! :))) x

      Delete
  8. Hilarious :):) hope santa brings u all on ur list :):) I will be adding a few of these to mine* #pocolo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! If he can make magic reindeer fly... he can bring me some bloody Hendricks right! lol x

      Delete
  9. Thanks for the laughs :) Hilarious post!!
    Hope Santa is good to you.
    Love Tracy xXx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keeping my fingers crossed! Lol x thank you for reading xxx

      Delete
  10. I keep my fingers crossed for the Gin for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too :))) *crosses fingers, arms, legs and toes* x

      Delete
  11. Know what you mean about the buttons - winter outdoor wear in general... why? Merry Christmas! #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know.... *sighs* lol x thanks for the comment xxx

      Delete
  12. THIS, this is brilliant! I am so with you on the pink Hippo deal - and the loo time to myself :) Thank you so much for linking to PoCoLo - awesome post x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol ;) thanks! Glad you giggled xxx

      Delete
  13. I've asked for gin and cake I've everything crossed though I also want time to eat my cake by myself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you're just being unreasonable! lol :) Thanks for the comment xxx

      Delete