Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Toddler Groups: Truth, Lies and Videotape

A WallyBubba Post:

  1. Defend your hula-hoop TO THE DEATH. 
  2. Pretend not to understand anyone... Then do the exact opposite of what you're told to... Then take a poo on the trampoline.
  3. No matter what Mummy says, you definitely can fit more than one toddler in a Fisher Price Cosy Coupe. My personal record is four. *smug face*
  4. If you've licked it, it's yours.
  5. If you've farted on it, it's Mummy's. (Try not to follow through - you'll need that for the trampoline.
  6. Never go through the tunnel. It's a trap.
  7. Push all other toddlers over violently. Just because you can.
  8. Stand still for a long time, then run suddenly in a random direction for no reason. Just because you can.
  9. There's no activity* that can't be done whilst eating a banana. (*Applies to life.)
  10. Also. Just for today change the way you eat bananas. Skin first. 
  11. At any point you could have that shaky egg taken away from you. To avoid this happening don't let ANYONE get within 3 metres of you whilst shaking it.
  12. Note to self: find out what metres are...
  13. Play-group is the perfect time to practice drinking out of big-girl cups. Mummy loves cleaning up your spills. She'd be bored otherwise. Plus Mummy said she was using the sippy cup for something called 'gin'...?! 
  14. If you see/hear another toddler crying, this is your cue to join in as loudly and dramatically as you can. 
  15. Shoes will only be removed for biscuits.
  16. Clothes will only be replaced for biscuits.
  17. Don't follow the teacher... Follow the mind goblins inside your ears who tell you to lick radiators...
  18. For every £3 you give the teacher, take £1 back when they're not looking... soon you'll have enough for a pony... And your own iPhone... 
  19. There are many balls, but there's only one 'special' ball. You all know which one it is... No other ball will do... Use teeth if necessary. Reward yourself with a banana.
  20. If they can't get you back in the pushchair... you don't have to leave... EVER. 
  21. Unless bribed with biscuits. Obviously. 

#NowonderImstillGINNINGuptheSIPPYCUPS
#ToddlerGroups
#GinGroups


16 comments:

  1. Brilliant! I think my children would agree with pretty much all of these. You missed out "The cleaning rag is a valuable item and worth fighting to the death over!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. pahaha x oh yes... better than ANY toy ;) thanks for reading xxx

      Delete
  2. Haha whyyyy do toddlers suddenly dart off in a random direction and sometimes they don't stop till they literally hit a brick wall. Then they just get up and carry on running!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Points 17 & 19 could have been written about my youngest!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Apparently the banana rules are universal, or so someone told my toddler!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I too have heard this rumour... Lol xx

      Delete
  5. ha ha - the last two are so me.. I use bribery a lot at the mo...#evilmummy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) without bribery, I literally would NEVER leave the house! xx

      Delete
  6. Love this! I never once in my entire life went to a toddler group. Now I know why.

    ReplyDelete
  7. And don't forget the one about wearing an apron...for all other activities bar painting. At which point the apron is discarded and jumper painting commences...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL ;) well naturally... xx thanks for reading and commenting xxx

      Delete

Toddler Groups: Truth, Lies and Videotape

A WallyBubba Post:

  1. Defend your hula-hoop TO THE DEATH. 
  2. Pretend not to understand anyone... Then do the exact opposite of what you're told to... Then take a poo on the trampoline.
  3. No matter what Mummy says, you definitely can fit more than one toddler in a Fisher Price Cosy Coupe. My personal record is four. *smug face*
  4. If you've licked it, it's yours.
  5. If you've farted on it, it's Mummy's. (Try not to follow through - you'll need that for the trampoline.
  6. Never go through the tunnel. It's a trap.
  7. Push all other toddlers over violently. Just because you can.
  8. Stand still for a long time, then run suddenly in a random direction for no reason. Just because you can.
  9. There's no activity* that can't be done whilst eating a banana. (*Applies to life.)
  10. Also. Just for today change the way you eat bananas. Skin first. 
  11. At any point you could have that shaky egg taken away from you. To avoid this happening don't let ANYONE get within 3 metres of you whilst shaking it.
  12. Note to self: find out what metres are...
  13. Play-group is the perfect time to practice drinking out of big-girl cups. Mummy loves cleaning up your spills. She'd be bored otherwise. Plus Mummy said she was using the sippy cup for something called 'gin'...?! 
  14. If you see/hear another toddler crying, this is your cue to join in as loudly and dramatically as you can. 
  15. Shoes will only be removed for biscuits.
  16. Clothes will only be replaced for biscuits.
  17. Don't follow the teacher... Follow the mind goblins inside your ears who tell you to lick radiators...
  18. For every £3 you give the teacher, take £1 back when they're not looking... soon you'll have enough for a pony... And your own iPhone... 
  19. There are many balls, but there's only one 'special' ball. You all know which one it is... No other ball will do... Use teeth if necessary. Reward yourself with a banana.
  20. If they can't get you back in the pushchair... you don't have to leave... EVER. 
  21. Unless bribed with biscuits. Obviously. 

#NowonderImstillGINNINGuptheSIPPYCUPS
#ToddlerGroups
#GinGroups


16 comments:

  1. Brilliant! I think my children would agree with pretty much all of these. You missed out "The cleaning rag is a valuable item and worth fighting to the death over!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. pahaha x oh yes... better than ANY toy ;) thanks for reading xxx

      Delete
  2. Haha whyyyy do toddlers suddenly dart off in a random direction and sometimes they don't stop till they literally hit a brick wall. Then they just get up and carry on running!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Points 17 & 19 could have been written about my youngest!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Apparently the banana rules are universal, or so someone told my toddler!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I too have heard this rumour... Lol xx

      Delete
  5. ha ha - the last two are so me.. I use bribery a lot at the mo...#evilmummy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol ;) without bribery, I literally would NEVER leave the house! xx

      Delete
  6. Love this! I never once in my entire life went to a toddler group. Now I know why.

    ReplyDelete
  7. And don't forget the one about wearing an apron...for all other activities bar painting. At which point the apron is discarded and jumper painting commences...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL ;) well naturally... xx thanks for reading and commenting xxx

      Delete